In a week the first month of 2012 will come to a close and in comes the LUURVE month. To tell you frankly, I no longer know how to react to the thought of Valentine's day being just around the corner. I suppose I really got no business reacting to it since it's one of those holidays that has never really had anything to do with me, well except for those moments when I slaved away trying to make other people feel special on this day...but then again those moments were still not about me.
Early today, a friend of mine from work said something that I thought was hilarious but at the same time really sad to be true.
"Why is it that you never get the attention you want to get from the person you want to notice you?"
I laughed really hard when she said this then after a while I felt sad realizing that what she just said was true...oh well perhaps for me it's quite different 'cause at least she gets some attention even if it's from the wrong person...well in my case, I'm pretty much invisible...either that or I'm off-limits.
Then I started thinking...is it really me or is there something wrong with the men I normally get attracted to? As I thought more about it I realized that there are four possible ways for me to get attracted to a guy: 1.) for nothing but eye candy 2.) a form of hero worship3c.) narcissism and 4.) the meeting of true minds.
Nothing but eye candy: This is quite easy to explain. These are those guys whom I find very attractive and since they're very attractive, I am pretty sure that there is no way for these guys to take notice of me...so they're just out there for me to look at.
The Hero: I won't say I've met a lot of this kind of guy. In fact, I think I've only gotten attracted to two: one was a teacher I had in high school and the other was(is) another authority figure I've had in my life for quite some time. This type of guy may not necessarily be very physically attractive but what I normally find attractive in this kind of guy is the confidence they've got and the stability of character. It takes a lot to intimidate me but this guy can intimidate me but at the same time make me feel safe.
Narcissism/Mirror Image: I'm not talking about someone who looks like me physically, I'm talking about someone who reflects the things I like and the things I appreciate. I find a guy who digs the kind of music, books, food and movies I appreciate really COOL (well that's because I consider myself COOL :P hahaha!) But seriously, I suppose there is comfort in familiarity.
The Meeting of True Minds: This should have been the "marriage of true minds" however, since I haven't really connected with anyone at that level I thought "meeting" would suffice for now. Perhaps a level higher from my narcissism is finding someone who gets me...someone who seem to be able to see through every mask and guise I try to pull off. This person sees all the good and the bad in me and still chooses to stay with me. I'm not really sure whether I've connected with someone in this way. There had been a couple of times when I thought I had but then I suppose not really 'cause if that's the case I shouldn't really be single right now...right? Or maybe not...what if I've already met someone on this level but the truth is I'm really that repulsive that not even the guy who truly gets me do not think I'm worth keeping up with?
Well I've got no answers right now...if I had answers then I wouldn't be wasting my time writing in here just to throw these questions to the universe :P But really...WHEN DO I GET MY TURN?
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