Dear old friend...

Dear old friend,

I know this is long overdue...actually I never thought I'd be writing to you at this point in my life. We were friends when I was still young and stupid...when I was clueless about everything...it's just funny how things started making sense just now...after more than 10 years...it's pathetic huh?

You'll probably never read this letter which is okay 'cause it's not really for you I guess...I'm writing for myself...to shed some light to some things I find difficult to face.

The reason why we never were was because I never really believed we could ever be. You liked me when I didn't really think anyone could like me. When you were doing all those nice things...I thought you were doing them simply because you were nice...I didn't think you liked me.

I can still remember that day when I was sitting at the steps and you came and told me that you've got something for me for my birthday. You went to your car...it took a while for you to return but when you came back you handed me an origami box. I opened it and inside was a Winnie the pooh sign pen and a couple of Juwan Howard and Chris Webber basketball cards. I thought you did that to all of your friends...but our friends said you only did it for me.

The other day I discovered that the other girl you did that for was the girl you married. You also folded paper flowers for her...would I sound bitter if I say that you did it first for me? hahaha! I'm writing this not because I'm bitter or I want you back or something...in fact I never really admitted I was ever attracted to you...but for the record I was hahaha! You treated me like a lady when I myself couldn't see myself as a lady...but I'm pretty sure that you're meant to be with your wife...I don't think I'll be good for you.

I suppose I'm writing this to admit to myself that perhaps one reason why I still haven't found love is because I don't believe I deserve love. I find it hard to believe that any man could bring himself to love someone like me. It doesn't help that though there may have been some men who may have been attracted to me, no one has ever really told me they liked me. So how would you expect a 32 year old woman who's never heard anybody tell her he's attracted to her think she's attractive?

I'm not expecting answers...

Sarah