I wanna be Natalie Portman

Alice: What would my euphemism be?
Dan: Disarming
Alice: That's not a euphemism.
Dan: Yes it is
                                                   Closer


I was just watching bits and pieces of this movie a few hours ago but I decided not to watch the entire film. It didn't sound like a very good idea for me to watch it. Watching it may give me some wrong ideas: ideas like "Dysfunctional relationships are romantic"..."tragedy is romantic"..."stripping is cool." :P It won't be long I'll start wishing I were Natalie Portman and that Jude Law thinks I'm disarming :P

Going back to the lines...I just thought the idea of obituary writers using euphemisms in their write ups about dead people was interesting. It got me thinking...

"What would my euphemism be?"

Sarah was passionate and dedicated to her causes(meaning obsessive and stubborn).She was a very thoughtful person (a pest)  People described her as accommodating and considerate of others (euphemisms for easy and stupid). To her last breath she remained idealistic and she kept her faith in the goodness of humanity (weak and naive). 

confessions

Dear You,

I have to say that I'm quite happy to see bits and pieces of what WE used to be these past few weeks, but of course I still know better to not get all giddy and excited over these silly things.

I miss you. I miss being comfortable around you. I miss not having to always be careful with the words I say to you. I miss driving around with you. I miss knowing for sure that you are happy when you're with me.

Still got no expectations...just missing you...

Sasa

holy week reflections

Holy week looked very different this year. Well okay, since the dawn of cable t.v. here in the Philippines a lot has really changed in the way people observe holy week here in the Philippines..we're no longer stuck with the usual T.V. channels showing the same old religious movies and documentaries year after year after year after year....gone are the days when kids would get so bored to dead because everything stops as soon as the clock strikes three...but this year a lot has really changed.

When I went out to attend our church's Good Friday service, I was expecting the streets to be empty and the restaurants and fast food chains closed in the observance of that holy day but to my (pleasant) surprise most of the restaurants I passed by along the way were open and all of them were filled with people who were obviously not abstaining from meat on that day...hehehe!

I suppose we can look at these changes from two points of view: they can be seen as positive changes seeing how people are starting to realize that it is not through our sacrifice that we are saved because the sacrifice has already been made on the cross; then they can also be seen as negative changes seeing how this period is now only seen as a period of rest from work or school and no longer a special day of remembering Christ's sacrifice. 

Well, I'm in no position to judge people...perhaps the people who saw me buying dimsum on my way home were also thinking the same things about me (dimsum on Good Friday??? hahahaha!)...but I really hope that things are starting to become clearer now for more people...that the Lenten Season is not a season for mourning...it is the season for remembering Christ's Victory over death and a season of celebration for our Salvation. 

Happy Easter everyone!!!!

Rules of Engagement

You know what...I still don't get it. So we're still on at our game of hide-and-seek?? or is it tug-of-war? Just for the record, I am reconnecting with you thinking that we can finally be normal friends, but with the way you're acting...you're confusing me again.

So let's set the rules straight...

• we only talk every other day
• on days we can't talk, we're also not allowed to send sms even if they're urgent
• on weekends we are allowed to spend some time together but once we've spent too much time together we need to go through a period of silence and cold treatment
• our conversations, the things we do are not open to any other interpretations
• there should be no reading between the lines and making assumptions
• "We" are what "We" are and there is no need for labels.

intimidated...

You intimidate me. I don't easily get scared. I've managed to handle conversations with my students who are doctors and lawyers...high ranking executives in European companies and scientists with PhD's but I was really intimidated during our 1 hour drive together that Saturday afternoon. I was worried I might have sounded really stupid for not being able to respond coherently to all those things you told me about nuclear physics, history and politics. I bet you miss her in times like those...when you want to have intelligent conversations...

Dear old friend...

Dear old friend,

I know this is long overdue...actually I never thought I'd be writing to you at this point in my life. We were friends when I was still young and stupid...when I was clueless about everything...it's just funny how things started making sense just now...after more than 10 years...it's pathetic huh?

You'll probably never read this letter which is okay 'cause it's not really for you I guess...I'm writing for myself...to shed some light to some things I find difficult to face.

The reason why we never were was because I never really believed we could ever be. You liked me when I didn't really think anyone could like me. When you were doing all those nice things...I thought you were doing them simply because you were nice...I didn't think you liked me.

I can still remember that day when I was sitting at the steps and you came and told me that you've got something for me for my birthday. You went to your car...it took a while for you to return but when you came back you handed me an origami box. I opened it and inside was a Winnie the pooh sign pen and a couple of Juwan Howard and Chris Webber basketball cards. I thought you did that to all of your friends...but our friends said you only did it for me.

The other day I discovered that the other girl you did that for was the girl you married. You also folded paper flowers for her...would I sound bitter if I say that you did it first for me? hahaha! I'm writing this not because I'm bitter or I want you back or something...in fact I never really admitted I was ever attracted to you...but for the record I was hahaha! You treated me like a lady when I myself couldn't see myself as a lady...but I'm pretty sure that you're meant to be with your wife...I don't think I'll be good for you.

I suppose I'm writing this to admit to myself that perhaps one reason why I still haven't found love is because I don't believe I deserve love. I find it hard to believe that any man could bring himself to love someone like me. It doesn't help that though there may have been some men who may have been attracted to me, no one has ever really told me they liked me. So how would you expect a 32 year old woman who's never heard anybody tell her he's attracted to her think she's attractive?

I'm not expecting answers...

Sarah