too hot to handle

I don't think it's very obvious that I'm enjoying my new home. It's been a long time since I last wrote journal entries, three days in a row. I hope I can keep this up for a long time.

I mentioned in my previous entries that I intend to write about new things in here, however, I think I need to let the old things out first before I can successfully move on to new things. 

I think it's funny and kinda pathetic how I'm still convinced that although your apathy has left my heart broken several times these past couple of years, I am still convinced that you love me. I am also convinced that what's stopping you from letting it out is the fear of what other people would say about me. I'm not sure whether I'm flattering myself too much but I actually think that there are people who've already expressed their disapproval of the idea of "us." You know what sucks...these people claim to be my friends, even sisters, and that they're after our interest...but I just don't like being talked about behind my back. If there's something they want to know about me...they better ask me straight.

I don't blame you...I know I'm hard to handle...perhaps in the future...when you're strong enough and wise enough...maybe you'll be brave enough to take me...