confession

I believe that the same time, last year, I was doing the exact same thing...obsessing over a Valentine's event I volunteered to organize for our church. I have to say I feel exactly the same way I felt then...I'm now in panic. A number of performers fell ill this past weekend, we're not sure whether people are actually interested in participating, as of now, everything that will happen, the different parts of the program are still in my head and I'm not quite sure as to how I will be able to articulate them and whether we will be able to pull them off...I know, I brought this to myself. This is what I get for being overeager. Please remind me to care less about Valentine's month next year.

I have to admit that two other reasons why I started this new blog is because I need a new hideout, since most of my friends, even family, already know about my other blogs, I need a new safe place. Another reason is that the green-eyed monster in me was awakened after stumbling upon the blog of the girl that the guy I like likes *sighs* I know, it's so juvenile...kinda pathetic for a woman in her 30's to react like this :P Don't get me wrong...I'm not trying to compete for attention, I think I've reached a point when it's already crystal clear to me that nothing will ever happen between me and that guy. I know that perhaps I'll always love him but not because I want to end up with him but simply because he's my brother (not blood brother I should specify.). I suppose I just want to start anew...start a blog where I'll no longer be writing about waiting for him to come to his senses...instead I can start a new blog where I'll be writing about myself, coming to my senses.

One thought that has been hovering above my head these past few weeks is that I need to learn to live with loneliness. There I finally said it. I have been trying not to say it for fear that saying it will make it real...but I have to get real. I have to recognize the fact that my family will not always be around for me...that although I still have hopes in finding someone who'll be my partner in life there is also the possibility that I may not find him...or perhaps if I do find him I'll eventually lose him...and in the end I'll once again find myself alone. I suppose it would be a good idea for me to learn how to live with the person I'm gonna have to live with for the rest of my life...myself:P