1 down 11 to go :D

I went on my first adventure in 2012 last weekend...I took a bus with a couple of old friends to be a part of one of my best friends' wedding in La Union.

Tin and Jowi

It was really nice to see one of the best people I know find another awesome person to spend the rest of her life with :D Plus it was really cool to witness my first military wedding.

I just had an idea a few minutes ago...I'm thinking it would be nice to measure 2012 with the lessons I'll be learning this year. Each month I will try to come up with a list of the lessons learned and the realizations I had in that month. It would be nice to know that time doesn't just go to waste and that I'm actually gaining some wisdom in this life. I suppose I can start with the lessons I learned from this past weekend:  

• Traveling by bus is quite convenient and a lot cheaper. I would probably try and do it again a couple of more times this year for those short holidays I may squeeze in in between those major trips I'm planning on going on.

on our way to La Union

• I should reconnect more with old friends. This is something I had realized before but I've never had much chance to really do. I was glad I decided to go to this wedding with friends from my former work place. It's amazing how although we haven't seen each other for a really long time we can still talk and laugh like we used to. It was definitely a good reminder to me that I've been blessed with a lot of GOOD friends :-) 

old and new friends

• It's not me...it's just that the right time hasn't come. The bride introduced me to one of her college girl friends and this girl gave me the funniest piece of advice about love: just go for it! She talked about telling this guy that she likes him and how she later on got rejected by this guy. It was interesting 'cause if you look at her she's the type of girl who I think most guys would find very attractive, she has a really pleasant personality and she's got a good head over her shoulders (Apparently, she went to law school and took the Bar exams late last year.), you'd wonder why she has to go out of her way to pursue the guy she likes when it should be the other way around. I say it's because the right time with the right person hasn't come. I often wonder what's wrong with me and why love seems to be so elusive. I'd usually think I'm the problem but then lately I'm starting to understand that there's nothing wrong with me. I'm not the only one who's going through this...perhaps million others are still waiting for the right time, with that right person...and that time...that person WILL COME. I suppose the best thing to do really is just WAIT...actively (I should say).

waiting

It's crazy how time flies by so fast. Would you believe that January has ended and another month is about to begin? I'd have to say that so far 2012 has been good and I have a feeling that the LOVE month can be a good gauge of how good the succeeding months can be...but then again I'm just guessing :P 

2012 bring it on :D

anticipated love month blues

In a week the first month of 2012 will come to a close and in comes the LUURVE month. To tell you frankly, I no longer know how to react to the thought of Valentine's day being just around the corner. I suppose I really got no business reacting to it since it's one of those holidays that has never really had anything to do with me, well except for those moments when I slaved away trying to make other people feel special on this day...but then again those moments were still not about me.

Early today, a friend of mine from work said something that I thought was hilarious but at the same time really sad to be true. 

"Why is it that you never get the attention you want to get from the person you want to notice you?" 

I laughed really hard when she said this then after a while I felt sad realizing that what she just said was true...oh well perhaps for me it's quite different 'cause at least she gets some attention even if it's from the wrong person...well in my case, I'm pretty much invisible...either that or I'm off-limits. 

Then I started thinking...is it really me or is there something wrong with the men I normally get attracted to? As I thought more about it I realized that there are four possible ways for me to get attracted to a guy: 1.) for nothing but eye candy 2.) a form of hero worship3c.) narcissism and 4.) the meeting of true minds.

Nothing but eye candy: This is quite easy to explain. These are those guys whom I find very attractive and since they're very attractive, I am pretty sure that there is no way for these guys to take notice of me...so they're just out there for me to look at.

The Hero: I won't say I've met a lot of this kind of guy. In fact, I think I've only gotten attracted to two: one was a teacher I had in high school and the other was(is) another authority figure I've had in my life for quite some time. This type of guy may not necessarily be very physically attractive but what I normally find attractive in this kind of guy is the confidence they've got and the stability of character. It takes a lot to intimidate me but this guy can intimidate me but at the same time make me feel safe.

Narcissism/Mirror Image: I'm not talking about someone who looks like me physically, I'm talking about someone who reflects the things I like and the things I appreciate. I find a guy who digs the kind of music, books, food and movies I appreciate really COOL (well that's because I consider myself COOL :P hahaha!) But seriously, I suppose there is comfort in familiarity.

The Meeting of True Minds: This should have been the "marriage of true minds" however, since I haven't really connected with anyone at that level I thought "meeting" would suffice for now. Perhaps a level higher from my narcissism is finding someone who gets me...someone who seem to be able to see through every mask and guise I try to pull off. This person sees all the good and the bad in me and still chooses to stay with me. I'm not really sure whether I've connected with someone in this way. There had been a couple of times when I thought I had but then I suppose not really 'cause if that's the case I shouldn't really be single right now...right? Or maybe not...what if I've already met someone on this level but the truth is I'm really that repulsive that not even the guy who truly gets me do not think I'm worth keeping up with?

Well I've got no answers right now...if I had answers then I wouldn't be wasting my time writing in here just to throw these questions to the universe :P But really...WHEN DO I GET MY TURN?  

overwhelmed

Perhaps one of the things I failed to mention in my previous entry about the past eight months was about some of the changes I had to make regarding my church life. I took a five month leave from ministry work to fix some things. Well on the last day of 2011 my break ended and immediately after that I had to go back to what I've been doing in the past 20 plus years of my life.

It's only the second week of the month but I have to admit I'm a bit overwhelmed. I can't really pin point why. It may be because of the tons of work I need to do after being on break for a long time, or perhaps it's still because of my critical spirit that was made even more critical after sidelined, or maybe the fear of not meeting people's expectations of me and being rejected for not being good enough.

I know very well I'm not doing this to please people, I'm doing this because I love God and I love His people so I pray for God to reveal to me His will so that I my allow only His will to be done in my life. I pray for God to give me the right words to say to people so that I may only glorify His name and lift people up. I pray for God to give me a sensitive heart and open eyes to see things and find ways to bring people closer to God.

To be honest, although I may seem sure of myself, perhaps a lot of people may find me cocky and bossy in truth I feel really small. Who am I to be given this responsibility to make decisions for God's people? Who am I to be given the authority to influence how God's people will worship Him on Sundays? But I know God has placed me where I should be and it is my desire for Him to shine in my life.

catching up

Because it took a long time for me to return from the woods I thought it would be important for my blog and I to do some catching up.

So blog, in case you are wondering how I've been, I've been fine. Not perfect, but just okay. I'd have to admit that 2011 was a very challenging year but I'd like to believe I've come out wiser, stronger, hopefully more compassionate and understanding and in many ways better.

There are things that didn't change much. I'm still in the same company, I'm still getting paid for talking and motivating people to talk (in English). I'm still single. Although there were many points in time in the previous year when I seriously thought this will soon change...well it didn't. Regarding the drama in my life...well it's still there. It makes its presence felt less often these days though and I think all of us at home have learned much from this drama. It has taught us a lot about acceptance and restraint. I'd like to think that although drama will always be a part of our lives, this "drama" of ours would have a happy ending.

Regarding the changes...about work...well I've managed to remain private and below the radar these past five years here at the office...well it's only the second week of the year and a lot has already changed. My manager thought it would be a good idea to feature me as trainer of the month, and I, being the "diva" and "supastah wannabe" that I am, agreed to it. So lately, people have been coming up to me about the article and I'm quite embarrassed about it :P

...about my love life...last year I was kinda pathetic for being such a wreck because of this one guy whom I allowed to break my heart over and over again these past three years...well sometime during the last quarter of last year I got over him. I didn't know exactly when and how but all the feelings just...poof...disappeared. Well of course, if you know me well you'd know how and why this happened but I don't think it's a good idea to blurt everything out yet. All I can say is that right now, I'm excited about what God has in store for me. I appreciate being single right now. I think God wants me to find pleasure in Him and everything He can bring into my life first before He sends someone into the picture. Last year, I recognized how much He's blessed me with my family and with friends, old and new. He showed me the beauty of His creation and His great love for me when He gave me the chance to go out into the world alone when I went to Korea. I think God wants me to experience all of these first and be convinced that He's all I need in this life...that would be the right season. I think the right season has come :)

Last year, I have to admit I lost faith in love. After seeing and hearing all the things that went on around me I was convinced that man is incapable of truly loving and God is the only one who can truly love. I was convinced that though I may find love one of these days, I shouldn't expect it to last forever. On the first weekend of this New Year, God proved me wrong. He showed me that no matter how messed up this world is man is still capable of loving beyond sin, the pain, the heart break, the tears...true love prevails.

Thank you Lord for proving me wrong...now I think I'm ready :)

back from the woods

It looks like I went too far back into the woods that it took me almost 8 months to return...haha! Been busy elsewhere...and like with the other "elsewheres" I've had in the past this "elsewhere" has become too public so now I'm back.

I was just browsing through other people's blogs these past couple of hours and I was inspired to be creative. Last year I talked about wanting to be more artistic and creative (talked about this "elsewhere"). In fact I even bought some painting supplies to practice watercolor painting, but I haven't really made time to pursue this project.This year, I plan to find time for this.

I have a great feeling that this year is really gonna be different, actually I think it's starting to test how I'm gonna react when I'm taken out of my comfort zone. In the past four years I've worked in my office I've managed to have a very private existence. I've had the luxury of choosing the company I'd like to have around me and this kind of existence has really been good for me. However, last week my manager told me that she would like to feature me as trainer of the month. According to her I deserve the recognition because of the excellent job I've done at work. So being the "Supastah wannabe" that I am, I agreed to answer a few questions about myself thinking that the article would only be posted on our company website which people seldom go to during the day. Little did I know, they'll be posting my write-up on the bulletin board here in the office :-/ So now, I've got my photo posted on the bulletin board looking like a "missing person's" ad (They didn't put a heading on the write-up. HAHA!). Well, I appreciate the recognition and who knows it could be good for my social life, but I'd have to say that I am really embarrassed seeing my face there...but I suppose this should really push to me open up some more and be more open to new possibilities. 

my photo on the bulletin board (geeezz I'm wearing the exact same jacket on the other photo I have on the other bulletin board...yes...my photos are on two bulletin boards here in the office right now :P)

into the woods

'Will be going to one of my most favorite places in the world...Purefoods Corp. Flour mill in Mabini, Batangas :P I know it's weird we're going to a flour mill...haha...well we're not staying at the flour mill...we'll be staying at the villa by the flour mill :P 

We've been going to this villa since I was in college I think...or maybe even before that. This morning, while having breakfast with Leeron and Zeth, they talked about how much they love this place and how they wish they could live there for good. I find it interesting how my nephews fell in love with this place the same way my sisters and I did when we were young :D

This past week wasn't very peachy for me...I'm sorry to admit that I wasn't pleasant to be around at all (I feel really bad for my students who had to deal with their cranky teacher) I really hope that the fresh air, the sea and the good food will help me bring back "nice" me soon.

I wanna be Natalie Portman

Alice: What would my euphemism be?
Dan: Disarming
Alice: That's not a euphemism.
Dan: Yes it is
                                                   Closer


I was just watching bits and pieces of this movie a few hours ago but I decided not to watch the entire film. It didn't sound like a very good idea for me to watch it. Watching it may give me some wrong ideas: ideas like "Dysfunctional relationships are romantic"..."tragedy is romantic"..."stripping is cool." :P It won't be long I'll start wishing I were Natalie Portman and that Jude Law thinks I'm disarming :P

Going back to the lines...I just thought the idea of obituary writers using euphemisms in their write ups about dead people was interesting. It got me thinking...

"What would my euphemism be?"

Sarah was passionate and dedicated to her causes(meaning obsessive and stubborn).She was a very thoughtful person (a pest)  People described her as accommodating and considerate of others (euphemisms for easy and stupid). To her last breath she remained idealistic and she kept her faith in the goodness of humanity (weak and naive).